Elementary: "Pilot" Review

Advance Review: The idea of updating Sherlock Holmes is nothing new. It's not even new for CBS, which has twice before aired modern-day series based on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's iconic detective (The Return of Sherlock Holmes in 1987 and the radically differently titled Sherlock Holmes Returns in 1993). But this latest iteration is notable for coming out at a time when Holmes is enjoying a resurgence on screens both big and small. Tempted as I am to compare and contrast Elementary's version of Sherlock Holmes to the recent Guy Ritchie film franchise or the Steven Moffat series (still my favorite) or even Hugh Laurie's Dr. House, I'm going to try and stick to evaluating the premiere on its own merits.

But let me just say this before moving on - if you enjoy Elementary and you haven't yet seen Moffat's Sherlock, starring Benedict Cumberbatch, track it down and watch it immediately. You won't be sorry. Then you can come back to Elementary and bask in the notion that there will be a fourth episode a week after the third, and then another one after that, and so on for likely 13 episodes at the very least, and probably 22 in one whole year if it gets a full-season order. Of course, just those 13 would be more than twice as many episodes as Sherlock has had in its two seasons combined.

The case that kicks off the series is a standard murder mystery, with twists and turns no more surprising or extraordinary than those you might find on Law & Order, or any other procedural show (and not, as far as I know, based on any particular Doyle story). What sets Elementary apart is the enigmatic personality of Sherlock Holmes (Jonny Lee Miller) himself and the unique way he reacts to his surroundings. He leaves rehab early to offer his skills as a consultant, free of charge, to the NYPD via a former colleague, Captain Gregson (Aidan Quinn). Worried about his son's rash actions, Holmes' father --- unseen for now, though producers say we will meet him -- hires a "sobriety companion" to follow him around and make sure he doesn't use. That companion, of course, turns out to be Joan Watson (Lucy Liu), a washed up surgeon who finds that solving murders is a lot more fun than glorified babysitting.

Miller gives us a more emotionally vulnerable Holmes than we've seen before. He's had his heart broken and is recovering from drug addiction, exiled to New York for the convenience of an American television show. These scars are close enough to the surface they sometimes get in the way of the cold, robotic analysis we're used to seeing from the ultimate detective. He still makes instant appraisals of total strangers based on deductive reasoning but, at least in the pilot, it's often as much a trick of smoke and mirrors (and Google) as it is the unrestrained tick of a genius mind. This Sherlock is good at looking like he has a master plan, even when he's just losing his temper. He may not always be in control, but it seems like he is. And if there's one thing Miller is good at, it's looking cool.

As fascinating as he is, we can't truly appreciate Holmes' intellect without Watson by his side to serve as an exposition device, someone to ask, "How did you know that?" Liu's Watson is quite capable, almost his equal. She even picks on clues he misses. Based on this first episode, it doesn't seem like the show will immediately be exploring a romantic angle between the two, but by casting a woman as Watson the door will always be open for that possibility. So far, I like platonic working relationship the two have established in the pilot, even if it is muddied by the fact that Watson's loyalties are divided between Sherlock and his father. I hope the writers can resist messing with it for a while - and for what it's worth executive producer Robert Doherty says he doesn't intend to make things romantic between Holmes and Watson. Regardless though, that relationship will keep viewers coming back to the show more than the weekly cases, I suspect.

Speaking of the cases, it's worth pointing out that it isn't just the other versions of Sherlock Holmes that Elementary has to contend with, but all the other procedural shows on television now as well. This kind of detective storytelling has become so formulaic it's difficult to be original or shocking. The first hour does a good job of introducing us to a new Sherlock, but I predict the ongoing challenge of making this show will be to keep the storylines as smart as the main character.

Elementary premieres Thursday, September 26th at 10pm on CBS.

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The Neighbors: "Pilot" Review

Advance Review: Holy hell. Where to even begin? It hasn't even been a full year since ABC decided to buckle down and throw their feces at us in the form of Work It, but now we have to contend with The Neighbors; a laughless "how in the eff did this get made?" turd of a televisual offering.

IGN's Review of Work It

First off, when a show comes around that's this awful, civility kind of goes out the window. Any attempt by me to be diplomatic will be rendered futile as my having had to now watch this pilot episode twice fills me with a despondency that I need to share. In short: I need you to feel my pain. I can, however, offer up the fact that ABC also happens to be home to the best new pilot of the fall season, Last Resort.

IGN's Review of the Last Resort Pilot

Marty and Debbie Weaver (Lenny Venito and Jami Gertz) upheave their family and move into a swanky New Jersey townhome community that's filled with silly alien explorers who do fantastically wacky and random things. Why is that woman taking a chainsaw to her flowers? Why is that man just spraying his garden hose up into the air? And suddenly... an alpaca? Good gravy, I felt like destroying something beautiful. Where was Jared Leto's Fight Club face when I needed it?

The cast of The Neighbors watching The Neighbors. Too easy.

Marty's also somehow managed to buy a townhome without his wife knowing. It's a surprise, you see. He's taking initiative because he's a hen-pecked TV nincompoop husband. But those of you out there who have actually gone through the excessive bureaucratic rigmarole involved in buying a home will probably find this part of the episode to be the most exhaustive work of science fiction in the entire 22 minutes. This is a small gripe, for sure, but I feel like it's also indicative of a much larger laziness being perpetrated here.

The aliens, led by Larry Byrd and his wife Jackie Joyner-Kersee (Simon Templeman and Toks Olagundoye), are a bunch of numbskulls; Frankensteined together by the past 50 years of TV ETs like Mork, The Coneheads and Dick Solomon. Look, I'm not saying this genre can't be done right. The aliens I just mentioned were funny. And 3rd Rock from the Sun stands as a testament to how one can do this story in a fresh and hilarious way. But without specific breakout performances, like those of John Lithgow, French Stewart and Robin Williams, all hope is lost. And what you wind up with is a show that recycles every tired trick in the comedy sketch playbook. The aliens, who of course have no idea how to blend in, all adopt silly athlete names. They cry out of their ears. They eat by reading and make love using asbestos. And, naturally, the Weavers are such blockheads that they initially write them off as being, wait for it, "European."

Oh, and let's throw in a bit of the old Alien Nation (via Mork from Ork) "the male aliens have the babies" shtick. And if I recall correctly, the Alien Nation visitors also had re-used famous people names. And spoke in a cold, calculating Conehead manner. You know, where you would say "affirmative" instead of "yes." If you read my review of NBC's The New Normal, then you saw me take it to task a little bit for having a "Punk'd" reference. Well, I swear to balls that this show has a freakin' Candid Camera joke. CANDID CAMERA! That's it. Done. Forever. I quit!

From the opening shot of the dopey flying saucer racing past the pyramids of Egypt and the Eiffel Tower, you're going to hate your eyes. This is dreadful TV. It relies on the aliens having some sort of communication device called a "Poo Pah" for laughs. Because POO! I know, some of you are looking at the score and wondering "Why don't you just give it a big fat zero? Like you gave Work It?" The reason is... that's Work It's score. Now and forever. That's Willie's treasure.

No, seriously though. This is about as bad as a comedy can get, but it still didn't have the misogynistic sheen that Work It had. It's only offensive on a no-laughs level, not a sociological one. The Neighbors was created by Dan Fogelman, who wrote Crazy, Stupid Love - a movie I enjoyed! So shame on him for making me, back when this show was announced, ever think "Hey, that movie was good, so perhaps maybe I should give this guy's show a chance despite pre-hating it based on the premise." Thanks, Fogelman. I'll never love again.

The Neighbors premieres on Wednesday, September 26th at 9:30/8:30c on ABC.

Matt Fowler is a writer for IGN. Follow him on Twitter at @TheMattFowler and IGN. WARNING: No Nudity!

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The Mob Doctor: "Pilot" Review

Advance Review: The first thing that FOX's new series, The Mob Doctor, has working against it is... its name. It's hard to not giggle and pre-judge a show with such a nail-on-the-derp title. Yes, creators often look for for a name that can singularly sum up their show, but I feel like a lot more people aren't going to be able to get past this silly title than will wind up eventually over-looking it. Also, it doesn't help that the show a mostly-laughable shlock-fest riddled cliches and familiar beats.

My Boys' Jordana Sprio (off her two-episode dramatic arc on Dexter last year) stars as Grace Devlin (a name not lost on anyone), a tough, punchy surgeon who grew up poor on the south side of Chicago. She's part angel, part lie/cheat/and steal if it protects the right people hellion. And her hospital rounds are filled with a rogue's gallery of characters you've seen before. Her bitchy rival (Jamie Lee Kirchner), her arrogant, weaselly boss (David Pasquesi, almost channeling his Strangers with Candy role) and wasted Emmy-winner Zeljko Ivanek as an extra-bland Chief of Surgery.

Instead of starting off the show with the story of how Grace became a doctor who moonlights for the local mob in order to pay a debt for her brother's life, we begin in the thick of it. Grace has been a "Mob Doctor" for years already and we're just catching up with her on a particularly busy day where she deals with a goon who has a screwdriver in his head, a kid with a gunshot wound, a girl from the "neighborhood" who's pregnant thanks to outercourse and an FBI witness in dire need of heart surgery. And once again, thanks to pilot-itis, everything moves at breakneck speed, with the writers thinking that fast stories and super-speed dialogue make things seem more urgent and characters seem more clever.

Spiro can be a fun and lively actress, but she crumbles here at the feet of sloppy sentiment and an interesting premise that's treated more like a glossy adventure series than a tension-filled drama. Grace's doctor boyfriend, Brett (Zach Gilford), is handsome and nice while the crooks she deals with, notably Michael Rapaport's Moretti, are dumb and mean. It's all flat. I will say that, toward the end, there's a surprise twist that gave the show a jolt, but it's all for naught. One would think, that given the premise, Grace would be desperately looking for a way out. That she's afraid of being caught and tired of keeping secrets. But she's not. In fact, when given the opportunity to actually leave criminal servitude and make a clean getaway, she stays. And becomes an even mobbier Mob Doctor! Her excuse is, naturally, family. Even though we meet her pushy mom and incompetent brother and see first hand that they're no treasure trove.

But she's from the south side. And just like Boston's south side, cinematically, family is supposed to mean more than anything, no matter how dopey and troublesome they are. William Forsythe, fresh off his Boardwalk Empire stint, plays a typically Forsythian role in the form of Constantine Alexander, a soft spoken crime boss freshly released from prison. And while his relationship with Grace might feel more interesting, and rife with potential, the fact that, right off the bat, Grace has accepted her lot in life as a physician for both sides of the law makes the show feel empty and harmless.

The Mob Doctor premieres on Monday, September 17th at 9/8c on FOX.

Matt Fowler is a writer for IGN. Follow him on Twitter at @TheMattFowler and IGN. WARNING: No Nudity!

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